It is no surprise to those closest to me that I am very close to leaving my husband. Actually, the decision has been made by me, but I am yet to execute the practicalities.
This morning, as I lay in bed listening to my kids argue and screech and laugh, I thought of how the Jewel missed her daddy "sooooo much" when we went away for a weekend to the beach. She became a little emotional when she heard a song on the radio which sang of wishing you were here, I love you so, la la la. I thought to myself how I would be dealing with that for a little while to come, and my immediate reaction was to make that yet another reason why I should stay. You know, "for the kids".
But, it is actually up to my husband to maintain that relationship, not me. If he wants to keep seeing the children, and spending precious time with them, and be a good role model, then he will, and that is not a role I need to facilitate. And when we were away that weekend, her emotion was fleeting, as it is with children that age. It was acknowledged, accepted and dealt with. She rang Daddy, told him she loved him, reminded she would see him in two days, and then went to play in the sand.
I know my children may grow up with some internalconflict over their parents no ,longer being together. But, as the daughter of a couple that should have separated roughly 36 years ago, separation is far preferable to a lifetime of watching someone else's unhappiness, not to mention learning how to live in a toxic and unhappy home.
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