The Risotto Was Nice

He had fish. Aptly, it was flounder. Which is what he did, when he wasn't trying to manipulate, deviate, obfuscate. We were there, apparently, to make him feel better. I was there to mend a relationship. Those two agendas are not compatible.

By about half way through my delicious salmon and prawn risotto I put up my hand and said very clearly "Stop". I had had enough. I asked if we could continue this converation with a mediator present. He was surprised, a little offended, and admitted to being confused. I pointed out to him that I was not a problem to be solved, and I was the sum of many parts, and trying to take me apart and solve me like a scientific equation was never going to work.

I said that it was very sad that the two people who understood me the least were my husband and my father.

Every now and again I would see a man who is deeply afraid of love. He talked about the mental anguish he had suffered over his feelings for me, and his worry that it would never work out. But then he would close up and accuse me of yet another personality trait which is wrong, simply because it is not shared by him. His response to his knowledge that my marriage is in trouble was to tell me that his and mum's relationship "transcended everything". I almost laughed. She's dead, you arse.

I am aware that without full context, these words are very angry, unforgiving and complaining. In person I was calm, articulate and reasonable.

I am home now, with a husband who wants to talk about "us". I decline, in favour of eating chocolate.