I had interesting exchange with my husband this morning. He is taking the kids out for an hour or two, to do some shopping. Before he left I checked his bank account via the internet to make sure he had enough money.
As he was leaving, he told me he had taken $13 from my purse. I replied that I would be grateful if he asked me first, to which he responded "well, I'm telling you now, aren't I?".
"And I am telling you that good manners suggest you ask first before you take something that belongs to someone else, just as I have always taught the kids, and just as I would do with you" We had further exchanges in which he said that he doesn't mean what he says, giving me the "woe is me, be nice, I'm depressed" look. And my response was
"Its not my responsibility to work out the meaning of your words, based on your past behaviour and my good nature. It is your responsibility to say what you actually mean, and then take responsibility for those words."
As I was saying it, so many things clicked into place.
In a huge flash of understanding, I realised that in my haste to excuse those around me, I have allowed them to make excuses for their behaviour. Or I have behaved in such a way as to make it easy for them to either behave well, or find justification for their bad behaviour. And so, I need to take responsibility for that aspect of my behaviour, but it doesn't make their own behaviour right.
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